Monday, July 28, 2008

Waiting is the name of this game.

Waiting ...

It kind of struck to him, then and there.

It's all about choices. The choices he would take, or he wouldn't.

At once side, he could continue whatever he is doing right now, the safest option. Life would be simple, though satisfaction is not guaranteed.

Or he could try his hands at collecting the space and time inside the small little box. He is not good at it right now. But hey, things could become better.

On the other hand, he could go on to pursue higher knowledge, enlightenment and vision. He knows he wouldn't do that. Already. For some reason ...

Or there another world, where it's highly selfish, never care for anyone, anything but himself, may be sometime after not even himself.

Oh there are many ...

You see, we have options. Lots of them. None bad, or good or perfect. Just depends where you are, why you want or when you take those chances.

He would dream about these things every night before he gets sleep. He would choose one of these options and dig deep. He would relish every moment of being something/someone else. Things would never go wrong. Every detail is picture perfect. After all it's imagination, his imagination, why would he think of something that's not good anyway. It's his imagination, you see. Not reality.

It's been quite some time since he realized that if there is something that's holding him back from actually taking these options, it's none but himself. And he is ashamed of that. Excuses you see, we can make up lots of them. Just to defend ourselves from the dark world of guiltiness.

Well, it's world of rules and regulation, he just plays by all the rules. Mostly.

"What's stopping me anyway?" he asks himself.
"Stopping from what?"
"You know, making an attempt to see beyond the four walls that I've created. To see if there is an Unicorn actually, to see if there are still dragons ..."

He knows that doesn't want to know. He just comes up with reasons not to try. It's a bloody battle inside him that he can't win once in a while. It's been long time since he labeled himself as failure. Just pretends that he doesn't know it.

"Well, I'm waiting". He shouted. See, nobody likes fingers pointing at them.

"Waiting for what?"

"Things to change, to find a sign or something, anything. Anything that makes me sure that whatever I am doing has some purpose, not just another episode of any reality TV show."

"Well, you are just a snook, shameless that is."

What a pity